


A study in benefits of drinking

by thenightwolf732



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drunk Sherlock Holmes, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Johnlock Roulette, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned Eurus Holmes, Mentions of drugs, POV John Watson, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 04, Protective John Watson, Sweet John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24134551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenightwolf732/pseuds/thenightwolf732
Summary: Sherlock's visit to Eurus makes him realize something about john. he can't handle the emotional turmoil so he gets drunk to forget.*****“what happened? What did she do?” john said when no more explanation came his way.“she smiled.” Sherlock said suddenly very sadly.“okaaaay?”“and then I smiled. “ sherlock said with the same somber tone staring at the ceiling.“then I saw my reflection on the window… I looked like her. “
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 12
Kudos: 128





	A study in benefits of drinking

**Author's Note:**

> just something angsty and fluffy about johnlock that had been jumping around in my brain and I had to get it out.
> 
> The fact that John is always in baker street when sherlock comes back from sherrinford is inspired from [ never turn your back to the sea ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9848774) from [ DiscordantWords ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiscordantWords/pseuds/DiscordantWords)

John was on edge. He was seriously considering calling Mycroft or greg or anyone. He had come to baker street to wait for sherlock to come back from sherrinford but he already had to put rosie to bed and there still was no sign of sherlock. His phone was off which was not alarming on its own, he always turned it off the days he went to see Eurus but he was just so sodding late and john didn’t know how many cat videos he could pretend to watch on Instagram before he came home. 

Images of sherlock shot, sherlock bleeding on the sidewalk, sherlock sitting on the floor obviously distraught after smashing the coffin, sherlock holding a gun under his chin… john stood up throwing his phone on coffee table. He raked his fingers through his hair pacing in the familiar living room now dimly lit by the kitchen lamp and the low light coming from the street. 

“Alright that’s it.” John said picking his phone back up swiping to find Mycroft’s contact when he heard the key turning down the stairs. There was a few grumbling and fumblings before sherlock came to john’s view. The staircase was dark so it took a few moments for john to realize sherlock was climbing slower than usual. John’s heart drummed against his rib cage. He was right to worry sherlock was not alright. He sped down the stairs to meet him half way. 

“Hey” john said urgently grabbing sherlock’s elbow to steady him. “what’s wrong? What happened? “

“jooohn?” sherlock raised his head like he had just noticed john was there.” Wha arr you doin herrr? “he slurred.  
“I came to see you” john frowned helping him up the stairs. He still couldn’t find out what was wrong with him. 

Finally, in the light of the living room john had a good look but shelock didn’t seem in pain when he took off his coat, jacket and scarf and missed the hook on the wall. 

“you’re drunk” john said his worry turning to irritation. 

“Good osservational skills jawn” sherlock slurred more as he went to his chair and curled up on it like a cat.  
John’s brain was still drawing a blank as he stared down the grown man budged up in the chair. Here he was worrying for hours that his super genius villain of a sister had turned his brain into a mush by torture and his highness was off getting drunk not bothering to even turn his phone on. And he still had the guts to sass john off. 

He swallowed crossing his arms on his chest trying to get his temper under control. He didn’t want to do or say something he’d regret later. He had too much of those already. So he tried to say exactly what was bothering him.  
“where were you? I’ve been calling you for hours why didn’t you turn your phone on? I was worried.”  
Sherlock opened his eyes seemingly surprised to see john still standing there.  
“oh I forgot. “  
John waited for more but nothing came. He took a few deep breaths. 

“you forgot. I’ve been here every time you went to that island waiting for you to come back for the last 2 months and u didn’t even bother to let me know that you wouldn’t come back till middle of the night before getting off to drinking and GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE?”  
John tried to get his breathing under control which felt like a real challenge at the moment. Sherlock looked up at him. seemed like his loud voice had sobered him up. 

John took a deep breath went to the kitchen for a glass of water mostly to get himself under control. No matter what, he never wanted to get that angry around sherlock again. And he knew he was clean. he had been for months. It was just low of him to accuse sherlock like that. 

He filled another glass of water after finishing his own. Sherlock was the most light-headed middle aged man john knew and if he didn’t hydrate he’d have a royal hangover tomorrow.  
Sherlock slowly dragged himself up and sat back in his chair as john made his way back to the fire place.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have shouted.” He held the glass to sherlock.  
“thanks.” he took a gulp and continued. “I’m sorry I…..” he trailed off his eyes closing on their own account. He was obviously still drunk.  
John took his seat across from him and waited.  
“drink up, you’ll thank me tomorrow.”  
Sherlock hummed and did as he was told. 

“iss just I had to … stop it.” Sherlock said waving vaguely at his head leaning back on his chair. “I wanted to do drugs but ovviosuly that’s off the table so …” he finished with a shrug.  
Worry creeped back in john’s heart. What had happened so bad that made sherlock even consider drugs again but getting drunk as a substitute?  
“what happened? What did she do?” john said when no more explanation came his way. 

“she smiled.” Sherlock said suddenly very sadly.  
“okaaaay?”  
“and then I smiled. “ sherlock said with the same somber tone staring at the ceiling. “then I saw my reflection on the window… I looked like her. “

Oh. So this was why he was upset. He was worried that he was too much like his murderer of a sister? John relaxed. This was something he could help with. He could talk to him hours of how different he is to her. How amazing he is regardless of his intelligent. How kind he is to helpless people. How selfless he was for people that he cared about. How protective of mrs.Hudson… he could list any and every reason he loved sherlock for. Because who was he kidding he could talk hours of what sherlock had done for john alone to prove that he could never be anything like Eurus Holmes.

“I remembered something then.” Sherlock said pulling john out of his thoughts.  
“what?” john asked softly all traces of anger had left him filling him with love and protectiveness.  
“you said that she just smiled at you… that‘s all it was… just a smile. “ 

Whatwhenwherehowwhat… john’s brain halted. He remembered his words. His confession done in the exact same room... him ending up sobbing in sherlock’s arms. But he couldn’t see the connection. So he said something smart like…  
“huh?”  
“you cheated on your wife with eurus because of her smile. You were ready to throw away your perfect life with your family because she smiled at you. “ sherlock was still not looking him in the eye. But pain was pouring off him. 

“sooo I got thinking… why would you do that much for her smile but you wouldn’t even give me a chance. I mean I was there before you even got married, you didn’t even have to cheat on your wife. now I’m sure you find me attractive. and It can’t be the gay thing you were all over sholto in your own wedding. So that left me with this question.” Sherlock finally locked eyes with a frozen john. “what’s so inherently wrong with me?”

John’s voice seemed to have left him completely along with his ability to form thoughts. But good thing was that sherlock wasn’t asking him to answer.  
“that was when I decided to get shitfaced the second the chopper touched the ground.”

Funny enough the fact that sherlock used the word “shit” alarmed john out of his trance. He never even imagined sherlock would want him. he knew he cared about him enough to want him around to give him compliments and be his sounding board and make his tea but not this. Never this.

Suddenly a world of regret opened up under his feet. They could have avoided so much pain so much self-loathing so much suffering. But then he wouldn’t have rosie would he? His beautiful miracle wouldn’t even exist because He wouldn’t spend longer than a day with mary after sherlock came back if he knew what he felt for him. what he could feel for him. 

and john wanted… he wanted so bad .. it hurt him physically how much he wanted to take a step and gather the man slouched in the chair across from him in his arms, kiss his pain away, love his doubt away. But he was still drunk right now. john didn’t want the first time he kissed sherlock be tainted by alcohol. He wanted them to both remember it … to want it.  
“you don’t need to say anything... you asked… I answered.” Sherlock said as he got up. His voice suddenly cold. “I imagine rosie is asleep so I suggest u stay the night if being in the same flat as me is not much of a trouble ... you know for her sake. You can leave first thing in the morning. “ sherlock made his way towards his room.

Nonononono this wasn’t right no.  
“no” john stood up too. But sherlock didn’t stop.  
“have it your way. Goodbye john.” Sherlock was almost at his bedroom when john grabbed his arm.  
He was done.. he was done hurting this man and himself by being an idiot coward. He stepped around sherlock to face him.  
“no” he repeated. Sherlock had closed his eyes. “ I’m not going anywhere. “  
John did the easiest yet hardest thing he had ever done. He put his hands around sherlock’s face and pulled him down for a kiss.  
Sherlock’s chapped lips felt like heaven on his own. it was like everything was right with the world for the first time in god knew how long. john felt strong arms pulling him in … securing him… grounding him. sherlock pulled his lips away slightly resting his forehead on john’s. his breath fluttered on john’s skin reminding him of sherlock’s intoxicated state. John slid his head in the crook of his neck and wrapped his arms around his back. 

“tell me this is real.” Sherlock whispered. Like if he talked too loud he would break this illusion, this dream.  
“it is but I need you to get some rest. Before we do more of this. “  
“what if I’m dreaming and you’ll be gone when I wake up?” sherlock shivered against john’s body.  
“I’ll be here …promise.”

He pulled back and looked up. Sherlock was already scanning his face for any signs of doubt. John couldn’t help smiling reassuringly. Sherlock pulled him tightly against his chest one more time before he let go abruptly and disappearing behind his door. 

*****

sherlock had no intention of sleeping. So he took off his shirt and trousers before getting in bed planning to think about the feeling of john’s body warm and safe in his arms for hours until the alcohol left his system and he could be sure of what was real and not. But the trip to sherrinford, playing for hours and then the emotional turmoil that followed and finally the alcohol took a toll on his body and before he knew he had fallen to a dreamless sleep. 

*****

his full bladder was what woke him up and before he was completely awake and aware of the pain in his head he had stumbled to the bathroom and relieved himself. That was when the events of yesterday rushed up into his mind. The bar, the drinking, john waiting for him in baker street. Oh god did john really kiss him?  
he made quick work of washing his hands and rushed out the door to the kitchen. The scene he saw made him dizzy. John was in the kitchen. he turned around when he heard sherlock. 

“you’re here.” Sherlock said unable to form any other sentences. John smiled at him like he had hung the sun and the moon.  
“I promised I would.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it. feedback is very appreciated. :) come say hi on [ tumblr](https://thenightwolf732.tumblr.com/)


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